709 - Call Somebody Else

Well. We're finally here aren't we?

After all the talk.
After all the empty threats.
After all the Midnight's Edge videos.
After all the weak defenses from IGN, Kotaku and Social Justice Whiners.
And after Sony's pathetic attempts to stir controversy.


Ghostbusters 2016 is upon us.

And it appears to be the very train wreck I predicted. Not that you would know that from the "positive reviews" online. Which is a good starting point for this review. Now when I say "Review" I of course do not mean a review of the movie, but rather "A review of the aftermath!"

IGN, Rotten Tomatoes, The Guardian and other shills will champion this movies honor by saying it's brilliant. Yet as some of my friends pointed out to me "They don't really tell you why the movie is good, whereas the negative ones give you a very good descriptor of the movies flaws and problems"

When it comes to movie reviews, I think I'll take the likes of Jeremey Jahns, Harmful Opinions or Razorfist over the likes of IGN, the many chins of Moviebob or Devin Faraci thank you very much. Also because of Gamergate and the recent controversies surrounding PewDiePie and WB, I can't trust anything these "professional reviewers" say anymore. It's not surprising that when you look at these reviews, they seem to spend more time addressing the online controversy than telling you why the movie is worth your time.

Based on what I've been seeing, the movie can be summed up like this.

"A very forgettable and unsurprisingly mediocre piece that desperately wants to be as good as the original 1984 movie.... But it isn't."

Batman V Superman now has someone to laugh at in my book. Congratulations Zack Snyder, your little movie has been knocked off it's perch of "worst movie of 2016."

Take this from someone who is a Ghostbusters fan. Ghostbusters to me is only good when I'm in the mood for it. Having completed a playthrough of the 360 game on the day this movie debuted in UK cinemas, it's a franchise that never needed any continuation or revival. Like the Goonies and Back to the Future, it did all that it could and is now enjoying a long retirement. But Hollywood can never truly leave anything alone and I'm dreading the inevitable Back to the Future reboot starring Selina Gomez and Amy Schumer.

It also warms my stony heart to know that Flopbusters has been crippled of a larger box office performance, thanks to China and it's anti ghost policies.

www.hollywoodreporter.com/news…

Oh and before you begin writing your predictable fluff pieces, regressive liberal media. Do remember that China does NOT allow Ghosts as part of their culture, but please feel free to force feed your "check your privilege" narrative into there somewhere. Just to give us all a laugh!

Now that the movie is out and receiving mixed to mediocre reviews. I think it's finally time to put this Ghostbusters crap to rest. Before I do, I'm going to state why I personally am not going to go to purchase a ticket, view this on the big screen/small screen or any screen. It's going to sit in the same hole I dug for Frozen, Minions and Guardians of the Galaxy. Which will only come out of that hole if I end up losing "The Bet" in the future.

Star Wars Episode 7 was a special case. I decided to finally see it after all the USI the movie generated died down and found it to be an average experience. Plus it came out at a time where I was in my December Hibernation and wasn't bombarded with annoying idiots overly praising it.... But I digress.


Ghostbusters 2016 is going to sit in that hole and will never be viewed by yours truly, and here are my reasons why.


1: The Reboot/Revival Craze.
Hollywood has proven it hasn't got a clue what it's doing anymore. It doesn't want to innovate or push the envelope anymore. So it's why we saw Robocop get a reboot, Spider-Man have an incredibly terrible reboot and a below average TMNT reboot. Or why the now increasingly tiresome comic book movie is giving EVERY super hero a movie for no real reason.

If none of these reboots existed then perhaps Ghostbusters 2016 may have got a viewing, oh wait no because.....


2: It's a franchise that didn't need any further updates or any form of continuation.
.... It's done all it can do. Can I just say a FUCK YOU to those smarmy hipsters over at Honest Trailers, because I'd gladly watch Ghostbusters 2 over ANY movie that comes out these days. After 2 movies, a few cartoon series and a lot of video games (only 2 being any good) Ghostbusters didn't really need anything else. I know Dan Akroyd is an insane money grubbing assclown, but I think Bill Murray was right to keep saying no to every proposed script he was given. You just gotta learn when to tell these people enough. Amazing Spider-Man didn't need to happen. Robocop 2014 didn't need to happen. Indiana Jones 4 didn't need to happen and Ghostbusters 2016 didn't need to happen... Regardless if the cast had vaginas or not.

3: The highly aggressive vitriol against critics.
It's natural to have disdain for something. Yet when you make the argument that you didn't want to watch this movie, you were called...

1: Sexist.
2: Misogynist.
3: Racist.
4: White Patriarchy.
5: Trump Supporter.
6: Manchild.
7: Still living with your parents.

When you have nothing but bitterness and contempt for your audience, don't expect the audience to watch your shitty little movie. I saw that trailer for the movie and I didn't like it. Oh I guess that means I want the cast to make me a sandwich while I beat it raw to My Little Pony. No you pinheads, it means I didn't like your shitty little trailer, therefore I am not going to watch the full movie if the trailer didn't win me over.

4: The Brazzers version looks better.
When the Porno Parody is more popular than your reboot tosh..... That's saying something.

5: It's doesn't look funny or enjoyable in anyway.
Going off of what I said for #3. The trailer has very weak jokes, flat chemistry with the cast, terrible CGI and seems lifeless. Like if Mighty No 9 had a budget. I can enjoy really bad and questionable movies like Batman & Robin or Street Fighter, yet this looks like something that was halfheartedly thrown out there and has no imagination what so ever. I'm sure the cast did the best they could with the material provided, I do not wish them any ill will or harm but I will blame the powers that be for green lighting this wank. Like the soon to be proven awful Power Rangers reboot, people will not stand for this shit anymore and have made the choice not to give Paul Feig their money. Now you could say "OH BUT THAT PROVES THEY WON!!! CUS OF THE REVIEW SCORES!" but if fewer people come out to watch, then they've lost. Pacific Rim and Dredd had glowing reviews but few people came to see it. Want this shit to go away?

Don't see it.

6: Because Dan Akryod is forcing a franchise/cinematic universe.
History has taught me that when you force something, the result is never perfect or satisfactory. Jurassic World only exists to force a Jurassic Park Cinematic Universe. Star Wars 7 only exists to force a Star Wars Cinematic Universe. Throw in the Transformers Ci... Can Cinematic Universes just fuck off and die already?

Whatever happened to movies that were self contained? No after credits scenes and were just made to entertain people? I mean look at Deadpool. That's how you do it, an entertaining piece set within a world that isn't tying itself into anything and just wants to make you laugh!

Ghostbusters needs a Cinematic Universe like Dan Slot needs continued employment. Fuck Marvel for popularising this stupid trend and fuck Dan Akryod for even attempting it with this horse shit.


7: Sony.
Self Explanatory.


And that just wraps up this Ghostbusters crap. I hope we never hear about this again and may the franchise return back to the crypt where it belongs. The one plus side is that at least Mighty No 9 now has some company... On it's journey to Hell.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRaUGL…