482 - Fight Finished

Fight Finished
I decided to take Halo 3 off the 2nd Preowned Experiment and replaced it with Dead Space. Meaning I had to "Finish the Fight" with this overrated turd first. After being repeatedly assfucked by Brutes on the highway level roughly 50 times, I decided to speed through the remainder of Halo 3's campaign on easy mode to get it over with. I know that's not exactly a professional or "hardcore gamer" way of doing things but fuck it, I'll do what I want!!

I know I say it a lot, but Halo 1 kicks the shit out of 2, 3, 4 and possible even 5 and 6! Mainly for I actually felt like an unkillable instrument of destruction (tools of powerplays) without constantly needing to hide behind a wall and wait for health to regenerate or watching endless cutscenes. After playing Call of Duty: Black Ops, I began to notice where Halo 3 got this bad habit from and I'm still not a fan of this design choice. Did the FPS genre have a falling out with health packs or something? Because it's current "I'M REALISTIC" mantra it's boasting is a bit off when you're not dead after 1 hit. FPS should be ridiculous for all the right reasons.

Starting with, killing Marines and getting away with it.

One of the endless reasons I love the original Halo over its retarded next of kin is the ability to silence your annoying team mates!!! These John Cena drones occasionally spout off unfunny one liners that not even the almighty Arnold Schwarzenegger himself would dare speak out loud! So I made a game out of being a renegade cyborg, diagnosed with the Maverick Virus from Mega Man X and killed..... EVERYTHING!!! All except Captain Keys, who Chief had a bad tempered father son relationship with, but Chief fixed that when he ripped an implant out from his decaying head. Thus transforming Chief into a complete unstoppable cyborg with a licence to kill.... EVERYTHING!!!! Kill Everything is the prototype name of an FPS I'm working on.

This hilarious rewrite made Halo one of my favourite titles of all time for this fact alone. Halo 3 on the other hand took exception to my Maverick behaviour.

I'll give you an example. I'm riding in a tank with a gaggle of these dingleberries and we blew up a Ghost. One guy yells "TANK BEATS GHOST!!!" to which I said "Okay that's not funny!" but carried on driving. We blow up a Hunter, to which our special bus riding drone barks "TANK BEATS HUNTER!!!" to which I uttered the following quote.

Quote.
"If I hear ONE MORE unfunny one liner from you, I'm killing.... EVERYONE!!"
End Quote.

We come across a ship and brought it down faster than a Tweet from Brianna Wu. To which our "special boy" shat out the words "TANK BEATS EVERYTHING!!!"

Me: www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMjyd-…

And proceeded to unleash my inner "John FUCKING Murder" (the protagonist of Kill Everything) and found myself abruptly silenced in 3 seconds by my comrades in a "no no don't do that!" manner. The game wants to sell the illusion of being a badass but never lets you BE a badass. Flashy cutscenes don't do it for because I'm not in control of the action. Now say a superior FPS like Blood Dragon for example (I think I'm jerking that game off more than Left 4 Dead these days) has Rex Power Colt ride a hanglyder, nose dive 60 feet in the air, land on a Omega Force commando and knife his ass without taking ANY damage.

THAT is how you be a badass Master Chief, take fucking notes!

Oh and while I'm complaining, can we please cease with the Zombie space monsters designed by H.P. Lovecraft in FPS titles already? I knew the Flood would show up at some point, but when I'm confronted by what looks like Cthulhu waddling towards me, I was stunned at how low (or perhaps Ha-low) the series was going to go for villain ideas.

When the game ended in a sequence straight out of Halo 1 (except easier and more insulting) I was glad to say I've beaten all 4 Halo titles.

Would I play Halo 3 again anytime soon?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iabC7-…