294 - Taking the CIS

Main fix here is the text and a better disclaimer. Oh and I added Panda into the background. WHY this comic wasn't about Panda now that I think about it baffles me.


WARNING - This is LONG Rant.




Don't answer this, it's a rhetorical question.

But when did everybody get so fucking retarded?

Being the almighty misanthrope that I am, I tend to lack the proper credentials to be a regular user of the website Tumblr. A website that many of my peers have informed me has a community that is quite possibly the mother of all goldmines than any Sonic the Hedgehog forum in existence!

At first I thought they were bullshitting me with this, but sure enough these are very real and highly delusional mother fuckers we're talking about today! The more I hear about this the more I feel somebodies been reading WAAAY too many X-Men comics! In the X-Men you have people who are outcasted because they're different or in the comics case they're mutants! Yet I'm pretty sure Charles Xavier wouldn't recrute a douchebag who claims he's a Tetris-Sexual who is "oppressed" because the evil white people are out to get him!! Oh yes of course, it can't be the fact you're completely retarded and delusional or anything, no of course not. It's "THE MAN!!!" that's keeping you down!

There's a possible joke I could make involving racism here... but I like to believe I'm above that!

Here's the thing, when I was a lad I was bullied like everyone else. Mainly because I was kind of an outcast myself. Yet I live by Occam's razor (the simplest explanation is the most logically sound) so I always felt it was because everyone was a bit of a twat! Yet you know what I didn't do? I didn't turn around and say "Oh you can't bully me, cus I'm a TriceraWall-MartNintendoSexual STOP OPPRESSING ME!!" or other forms of weapons grade bullshit!

That's right plebs, you too can have your very own fucked up condition so people can "stop oppressing you!"

Slap as many generic labels and isms to yourself to help gain sympathy from sheep who don't understand what oporession is!

You know when I think of the word "oppression" my mind immediately thinks of the slave trade. Millions of black people misused and abused for ones personal gain. Or perhaps the nazi's and the absolute butchery of the jews during WW2. Or sticking with the jews for a sec, consider how the Egyptians oppressed them as well. Yet I can honestly tell you what NEVER comes to mind when I think of the word "oppression" Some stupid little prick with an iphone, too much eye liner and no fucking clue how the world really works, who suddenly decidess he has an ancient furry demon living in his head with Batman and George Washington. Get this goofy mother fucker a straight jacket and some anti depressants, stat!

With this all in mind Plebs, I've decided to create my own bullsh...urghm I mean, my very own tragically deeply rooted and sympathy magnet condition.

I am a Saucesexual. Meaning I am oppressed by "THE MAN!!!" for wearing a saucepan on my head. Don't you dare judge me, you evil vile white straight people. You'll notice I through in the word straight in there. Because apparently IF you are a white male who likes to have sex with women, you are and I quote: "AN EVIL VILE, FORM OF SATAN THAT NEEDS TO BE PURGED FROM THIS WORLD CUS YOU HURT MY PRECIOUS FEELINGS CUS YOU'RE OPPRESSING ME YOU EVIL CIS SCUMM AND CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!!!!" (Okay seriously, this whole "check your privilege" thing makes no godamm sense to me)

That's not an exaggeration either because as I delveld deeper into this cluster fuck I kept noticing this "cis" term being thrown around. Apparently this is a real thing which means: "Cisgender and cissexual (often abbreviated to simply cis) describe related types of gender identity where an individual's self-perception of their gender matches the sex they were assigned at birth."

Let me make sure I am crystal clear on this issue okay. You and the rest of your idiots will condem me for being white, male, and really like the idea of sleeping with women? An act that for my prefferences is considered "normal by definition" and to you that's apparently a "bad thing?" You also hate being labeled, but then proceed to label people you disagree with?

Well then, to quote a wise squirell "Go fuck yourself with a loaf of bread!"

Much like console wars, people now seem to be having pissing contests with their own sexual orientation. Just when you think peoples IQs couldn't sink any lower eh? I mean I could rant about David Camoron suddenly abandoning his green policies but I felt this needed to be said. Tell you what? Pick a word and add the word sexual too it and BOOM you officially qualify to be a Grade-A Dipshit!

See this is where these lunatics will tell me "I'M SO INCENCITIVE!!!" yet here's where I'll argue with ya. I have genuine sympathy for people with REAL conditions. If somebody came to me and said "Excuse me, I was rather offended by that" and proceed to give a logical answer. I'd apologise for being a prick. Claiming you're a teen werewolf who identifies as a Decepticon is NOT a valid excuse. And to watch these people play pretend and make up conditions is actually insulting to people with REAL problems. Like I hear about this term called "Headmates" and if you were to tell that to someone with schtzophrenia they'd wouldn't see the funny side of it! So yeah I laugh at these people because there is nothing wrong with them and NOBODY is oppressing them at all. Oh you got called a faggot by a forum troll? Tough shit, grow a set and stop whinning!

But you know what? Don't take my word for it. Here's some second opinions from those peers I spoke of earlier.

TAKE IT AWAY, FOLKS!!

Tyler Knox says
"I hate special snowflakes who try and pull the homophobe card whenever I say their videos aren't funny. Look, assholes, you're videos aren't funny and you can't sing for shit. Stop bringing your sexual prefrence into play everytime."

The-Mad-Valkryie says.
"I have mixed feelings for all these labels that have just surfaced. On one hand I understand the labels and they do have their significances. But on the other hand I see shit on incompetent sjw sites like "I'm a queer cisgender woman" and I go "WOW YOURE A FUCKING LESBIAN! GOOD FOR YOU!" You can label yourself as much as you want but that's not gonna stop the majority from thinking you're batshit insane.

And people on tumblr have gone so far off the fucking deep end that there are posts saying it's not okay to be straight. You can be anything else but not straight! And these assholes want allies! They cry out for allies and yet if you're not LGBTQIA you're a piece of shit. THAT'S FUCKING ORIENTATION DISCRIMINATION! YOU BASE YOUR BACKWARDS LOGIC ON THE FACT THAT IF SOMEONE DOESNT LIKE THE SAME SEX, OR MORE, OR HAVE THE OPPOSITE GENITALS BETWEEN THEIR LEGS THAN WHAT THEY WANT TO HAVE, THEN YOU DESERVE TO BE RIDICULED AND JUDGED.

You know who acts like this? HOMOPHOBES FROM THE GODDAMN SOUTH! My goddamn state is infamous now because of one idiotic pastor saying gay people should be put in camps. And yet you have these idiotic teenagers and basement dwelling neckbeards say "OH YOURE BAD CAUSE YOURE STRAIGHT AND CIS! The fact they made the term "Cissies" a thing makes me want to fucking cringe!

They took a derogatory word against the feminine stereotype of gay men, and turned it into a word to describe people who are fine with their born gender. And they dont consider it derogatory! Cause if your straight nothing should be offensive!!! Pot calling the fucking kettle black dont you think?!

They just make things more problematic than normal but it just makes things more problematic on them rather than the subject as a whole because the majority doesnt even give a shit. The majority of sjws that bitch about these "problems" are a bunch of white hipster teenaged sheep that have read too many elitist blogs and masturbate to their warped views of equality that can be considered a new wave of sexual discrimination and reverse racism! Fuck these incompetent pieces of shit, the person who said it was okay to give these fucks an internet connection should be drug out into the street and shot!"

BlueMagus says
"I hate Special Snowflakes because I'm sick of every serious issue being turned into a joke. It seems like no matter WHAT it is, be it Ableism, Sexism, Ageism, Racism, etc. They make a mockery out of them.

Listen and please take my advice on this.

The words "Stupid" and "Dumb" aren't ableist. Acknowledging the existence of Sexual Dimorphism isn't sexism, and Saying "Black" instead of "Person of Color" isn't racist.

...also, I'm not Transphobic simply because I'm a white heterosexual cisgendered male. I happen to believe that you should do whatever you want to make yourself happy. And if you're a woman, and you want a dick instead of a vagina, to be happy. Go for it, it doesn't affect me therefore it does not bother me."

VodkaHaze says
"I hate special snowflakes because they reap what they sow. They constantly want people to join their movement and help fight discrimination against LGBTs, PoC, women and the handicapped, all the while bitching about how horrible heterosexuals are, or how white people are responsible for every crime in history, or how all men are rapists, or if you don’t find fat people sexually attractive then you’re “fatphobic”.

What makes this even more ridiculous is that you'd imagine they'd invoke Godwin's Law, right? Surprisingly, you're wrong, because they try to humanise Hitler as this misunderstood person who if he was regarded a little more nicely, wouldn't have been responsible for the deaths of 12 million people. Their moral compass is more broken than Meta Knight in SSBB.

But it doesn’t stop there at PoC, women and the LGBT community – social justice extends to virtually anyone who is “oppressed”, be they overweight or unpopular. I could probably start a tumblr about the discrimination and oppression I receive for being left-handed or blue-eyed, and these retards would still take me seriously. Considering so many SJW terms like “transethnic” were started by trolls and these morons didn’t catch on that it was mocking and lampooning their PC pronouns, I have a fair chance these idiots will use it to push their pathetic ultra-progressive agenda.

Oh, and by the way, if you want equality, then expect to be handled like shit. If people are calling you an asshole for your behaviour and/or comments, chances are it’s not because they’re bigots who need to “check their privilege”, it’s because you really are an asshole! If you want these people to stop this, then why not follow the Golden Rule and treat others how you would want to be treated? It is common knowledge that you’ll attract more bees with honey than with vinegar, and by saying, “Everyone who was not born a certain way is an evil scumbag!” you’ve done a DISservice to your movement and others which are aimed at fighting discrimination and bigotry, which is why I cannot take social justice seriously and view it as nothing more than a joke.

That is why I hate special snowflakes."

BigAl2k6 says
"I hate special snowflakes because they make my friends with real problems and identities look fucking batshit insane. They co-opt these wonderful movements of equality and poison them with the slightest touch.

They act like complete dickheads to people and scream "tone policing" when people call them out.

You want equality? I'll fucking give it to you. Treat me like an asshole, and I'll do more of the same to you. THERE'S your equality."


Wow... I'm stuck without a punchline for once.

So I'll close with this.

I maybe old fashioned or a rellic from a former era, but even I think this is just plain ridiculous. The lables people attatch to themselves like fashion exessories, the constant craving for attention, and the other batshit insane things they say. It's appauling to be honest. I refuse to believe a race that has accomplished so much in such a short amount of time (in the grand scheme of things) can produce seriously demented fucks like these assclowns!