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It's not fun to have something all written and prepared, only for something to show up at the very last minute and fuck your shit up royally! I had February's Month review all finished, while excluding the topic of Spider-Man (for obvious reasons) I also excluded this little indie movie so I can explain why it's a gigantic ball of unadulterated fail all by it's lonesome.

Before I continue, I am fully aware it was recently pulled from the Internet by Saban. I can understand why it got pulled (cus like it or not PR is a childrens brand) I DON'T agree with the decision to pull it. You mean to tell me things like this and Princess Molestia get pulled cus "that's not allowed" but Mad Mad Mario and the endless pile of Sonic porn online is a-ok?

Just wanted to get that out, back to the rant.

As a child of the 90's. I was infact a fan of Saban's Frankenstein hybrid known as Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, the show that answered the question of "What happens when you pit 80's Japanese stock footage against half retarded Digimon led by the cast of Killer Instinct?!"

While a ratings winner, I think we could all agree (even hardcore fans of the series) that it was a show practically begging to have the piss taken out of it. With its stock footage, bad acting, laughable writing and corny one liners not even the almighty Arnold Schwarzenegger wouldn't dare read out loud! Yet to me, that's the charm of it. The show knew it was ridiculous that even future iterations such as RPM became self aware of how concussed the writing staff were. Basically take a modern WWE storyline but replace the cast with teenagers from High School Musical, who turn into colourful versions of the Stig from Top Gear and.... Okay, I'm stalling; let's talk about this indie film.

I'm often quite weary when "fans" of a dead franchise offer their spin on things. Especially that laugh-tastic train wreck that was the Tekken movie, the underwelling (but with good intentions) Mega Man movie and the absolute dung heap called Sonic. Yet surely a simple concept like Power Rangers should be easy to translate with an infinitely lower budget than Saban wasted on the first 3 seasons of MMPR right?

Then the film opens with a flashy set piece straight out of Call of Duty and I found myself saying "apparently not!"

Much like Call of Duty, the film makers made the ill fated choice of taking something known for having the piss taken out of it and started treating it 100% serious. So wait, a franchise known for comical acting and messages about friendship long before MLP made cash of it suddenly wants to be taken seriously? And by said seriousness, it gives characters machine guns, drops F-Bombs and shows off more blood and guts than a butchers window?

*head desks*

Before I make my negativity grow, let me go down a few positives on this piece of film. The cinematography works well, costume design vastly superior to the 95 movies capability and the integration scene between Rocky and "Kimberly" was well timed and performed. Beyond that, it's a boring, preachy and rather predictable little story that I can't see working as a full 2 hour movie.

I get that exploring themes such as making kids fight a war against alien tyrants would mentally scar people, but in the same vain I found myself retorting "Yeah, but this is Power Rangers!" in it's premier episode, Kimberly's chief concern was "the helmet is messing up her hair!" now all of a sudden she's trying to maintain a poker face while Rocky violates her rights faster than you can say NSA. The themes the short addressed are worth exploring and raise a few note worthy questions, but I don't think it executed the answers in a way I'm comfortable with. Mainly with Zack the Black Ranger. At what point do you go from taking that laughable notion of "Hip-Hophokido" on the road.... to taking down North Korea?

Folks, if there is one thing I'm sick and tired of beyond Zombies, Reboots and Frozen's fanbase, is this continued notion of taking works of fantasy/escapism and bashing it over the head with the banality of real world news and events. Zack needs to be fighting Koreans like Iron Man needed to Uni beam Pseudo Al-Qaeda!! Fucking desist with this reactionary bullshit, before Saban's private emails are put online and Tommy Oliver gets picked up by the Marvel Cinematic Universe!

Zack snorting crack cocaine and blasting Koreans heads off with guns felt like the movie was being edgy for the sake of it, like a 9 year old throwing shit on the walls screaming "LOOK MOMMY!!! I'M BEING FUCKING EDGEY!!!" (Also known as Mortal Kombat) and comes off looking like the opposite and incredibly immature.

The thing I've seen people praise the movie for is how it ties into the shows story/lore but spiralled into a dark dystopian future. Which I can smugly declare that's weapons grade bullshit! The fact the movie sets up shop squarely in the Power Rangers Zeo era, with it's continued references to the Machine empire, is all I need to curb stomp this movie quicker than the one sided fights against the Megazord in any MMPR episode!

So if I'm to accept this happens in Zeo's place in the timeline, maybe you could fill up these plot holes big enough to drive the Ultrazord through.

1: If this is in the Zeo era, why does the team have their MMPR suits?
2: If Rocky turned to the dark side and Jason is dead (spoiler alert) then who's the Red Ranger exactly?
3: Why is Kimberly still a ranger when she left before the events of Zeo happened?
4: Why is Zack still a ranger when he lost his powers in Season 2 of MMPR. Many years before Zeo happened?
5: Shouldn't Bulk & Skull be in their Junior Police Patrol phase by this point and not the generic bully stereotypes?
6: Jason and Kim got married. At what point did those two ever show any romantic affection for each other?
7: Shouldn't Rocky have a cybernetic spine instead of a cybernetic leg?
8: Billy wouldn't be on Earth, he'd be on Aquatar!
9: Tommy was in his Green Ranger suit when Kimberly died (spoiler alert) so why would anyone accept Rita was her by the time the events of Zeo happened? Nobody is that stupid!
10: How come we never see Cogs or the entire Royal House of Gadgetry? Despite the Machine Empire being name dropped constantly.
11: Why is Rita working alone? She was married to Lord Zedd at the time.
12: Why is Tommy so hung up over Kimberly? When the show clearly made attempts at a forced romance between him and Kat.
13: Where are Kat, Adam, Trini, Tanya, and the Gold Ranger or dare say Justin?
14: Wouldn't Zordon just pull some deus ex machina out of his tube to deal with King Mondo?
15: More to the point, where is Zordon?
16: You cannot seriously tell me the rangers would lose in the Zeo era. They were powered by a Crystal that grows more powerful with each passing moment.
17: On top of that, the Machine Empire was a JOKE!!! They went through more leaders than Tomb Raider's had reboots. They ultimately were defeated by Lord Zedd and Rita with, and I hope you’re ready for this..... A bomb disguised as a gift. The kind of shit Elmer Fudd fell for on a weekly basis.
18: And on top of that, none of the Rangers allies from space came to help? No Gold Ranger, Masked Rider, Alien Rangers or even Andross?
19: A more realistic one now. You mean to tell me the United States of America would let the Machine Empire roll in and take over? The same country that goes to Def-con 4 when ISIS waves a gun around in the Middle East? I don't think so some how.... Unless the USA of the PR universe is mentally retarded and let's the rangers do everything for them.
20: Finally, if the subplot of the movie was for Rita to get Tommy back on her side, why go to the length of murdering the others in cold blood? Can't she just brain wash him like she and Zedd tried with Kat? Or pull another Green Candle out of her big fat arse?

Nitpicking? Perhaps, but I felt like calling attention to the Masterdon zord in the room with how little this follows the actual plot of the show its based on. Finally I think my warning flags fired right the fuck up when I heard the following line.

"What happens to a dog chasing cars?"

I immediately wetted by lips and asked in response "Why so serious?"

Maybe it was unintentional, but I got a "let's be like the Dark Knight trilogy" vibe from this movie. A trend far too many people need to cast in the fires of Mt.Doom where it fucking belongs! Bottom line, I regard this movie as a below average attempt to reenergise the Power Rangers but makes too many missteps and ultimately comes off more of a joke that the show it's based on.

I think that cancelled Origins movie would have been a better idea.


484 - Violent Krap by RandomDC3
484 - Violent Krap
Preowned Experiment: Big Villain 8 2/8
“Violent Krap!”

Let me preface this before I start. The only thing I’m looking at for this summary is the main story campaign. I know it’s difficult for a fighting game to compete with say RPGs or an FPS in terms of story but that’s the way I’ll be doing this. I did play about with the very few modes the game offered and ultimately found them uninteresting.

And it’s not exactly confidential information that I’m not a fan of Mortal Kombat. No major reason other than I just didn’t get into it when I was a child. I played one of the SNES games around a friends house and wasn’t all that impressed with it. A feeling that sadly hasn’t changed when experiencing Mortal Kombat 9.

To the MK faithful brandishing a pitchfork and yelling “FINISH HIM!” let me say this upfront. On its best day, MK9 is a pretty basic fighter that responds well and is worth checking out. I can’t say I’ll be returning to play this for single player marathons but I can see myself breaking it out when I have friends over and need a good laugh. I don't dislike the game, despite what I say for the story.

The point with these Preowned Experiments is to give every game a chance, and if Tomb Raider can make me re-evaluate my opinions on that series then maybe this game can too. So I tell you what Mortal Kombat, it’s 2015. Clean slate, let’s bury the hatchet and give this relationship another try what do you say?

Then the game opened with mutant crows pecking the remains of a pornstar…. I see this relationship is going to be a difficult one.

Not to dig up old grudges, but I seem to recall the village idiot Angry Joe cumming by the bucket loads about this games story mode and how “it is a more in-depth experience” than say MVC3. Having spent 2 days with the game I can say this for its story. It IS more in depth than MVC3…. Then again so were the stories in Tekken 6, Soul Calibur 5 and Smash Bros Brawl and those bored me to death as well!!

Yes Joe, I know it has more going for it but you need to remember some of us view fighting game story modes as the giblet brained cockends who ride the short bus to school; and this game trying to be in depth is like a giblet brained cockend giving a speech at the United Nations.

It’s dull, drawn out and ultimately leaves the audience concussed!

The story mode as a whole plays out like a bad episode of Monday Night Raw. Almost to the point I could picture Jim Ross and Jerry the King Lawler over react to Blue Kitana discovering evil bearded fellow Shang Tsung cloned her to create Pink Kitana, to which her daddy Shao Kahn betrays her just as she pulled a face turn.

Michael Cole: Now remember kiddies, disembowel Johnny Cage to download the MK9 App!

I think a better name for this game would be “1990’s: The video game!” mainly that it’s trying to be controversial while looking like a Rob Liedfeld drawing with GWAR playing in the background! Upon learning the game is a reboot I began to brandish my own pitchfork, which my friends quickly came to the games aid and said “Now hang on a second! It’s not really a reboot, but a retelling of the first 3 games but from a new angle!”

So…. A reboot then?

The basic plot begins at the end of the timeline with Shao Kahn taking over “Earth Realm” so he can merge the two realms and rule them. Isn’t that the plot from the live action Super Mario Bros movie? However since Raiden’s a sore loser, he warns his past self of the dangers in the most vague way possible which leads to him cocking it all up masterfully and screwing the space time continuum as we know it.

Say what you want about Street Fighter folks but at least it isn’t this convoluted, and up its own arse! However it's not as retarded as Tekken, that's a compliment by the way!

I think my only major gripe with the story is it tries to cram in 3 games worth of plot into one connecting narrative (the same complaint I have with Kid Icarus: Uprising) when multiple games would have served it better. I was on board with the 1st tournament plot, then hours past and I began to wonder if it was going to wrap up at some point. Then an achievement popped up informing me I was 50% done.

Return of the King didn’t nearly have this many false finishes!

I know Joe, it’s IN DEPTH but fighting game stories should not take 2 days to complete (I started playing around 10pm before you judge) then again this is the same dildo who got pissy cus Raiden didn’t scream some random gibberish when doing an attack.

Not exactly Roger Ebert Calibur now is he? Okay that’s the last Angry Joe reference so put your pitchforks down!

It’s not an unbeatable challenge but I found myself asking at times “What more can you possible do?” I mean how many more variants of the same ninja or Kitana can Shao Kahn pull out of his magnificently well toned arse?

Speaking of characters, let’s segway into that. I do find it suspect that the game makes you play as 90% of the cast in story mode, when I’d of been happier just sticking with Green Kitana and Mecha Bray Wyatt. It’s akin to say walking into a McDonalds with the intent of just getting a cheeseburger, to which the clerk pertly asserts “No you don’t want that, what you want is everything on the menu!”

I’m sure it all tastes nice, but I’ll be spending all day eating it and end up regretting it later. If I wanted to know how to play as Eve Laurence, PsylentKnight and John Redcorn (Yeah I gave jokey names to the entire cast cus I’m sad) then I’d pick them from the start. Let me have the 2 I’m good at and then kindly piss off!

Speaking of Eve Laurence, can someone explain to me why this game has more big breasted, half naked bitches than my entire favourites on DeviantArt? I’m convinced it’s the same body build for all of them, like Ed Boon and pals sought inspiration from a few Lisa Ann videos. I mean if Sindel and her daughter Blue Kitana look about roughly 32 years old with tits bigger and harder than Sabrina Sabroks, I can imagine Johnny Cage asking them if they know the button combo for ménage à trios?

If anything it feels more immature and sexualised than the New 52. Yet I am curious how an Rated 18 game doesn’t just show bare boobs. An odd criticism I know, but if you go to the trouble of making each female look like fetish porn stars it seems like you’re not sliding all the way in by not going there if you get my drift.

It also feels like a miss fire or error in planning when 2 women wearing bin bags and grunting like the Williams sisters fails to get a reaction from me. A view point the game shares when Quan Chi resurrects Sindel’s well toned buttocks in the dessert and he and N00B Saibot just look at her like she’s a middle aged railway enthusiast

Having said that, for the love of God (or Eldergods) nobody show Anita Sarkiseen this game or she’ll do her nut in over it.

The stories difficulty is more up and down than Marko Kidder on a bungee cord. One minute I’m curb stomping Kofi Kingston with ease, the next I’m having my ass kicked by a four armed Tony the Tiger. Plus nearly every character having a teleporting mechanic caused me to form a pigeon hole. Fuck Kratos or Freddy Kruger, they should have got Slender Man to do a guest spot!

The climax being the second cheapest final boss I’ve ever fought. In that the method to beating him is not actual skill or timing, but instead exploiting a teleporting/uppercut method.

Ah yes, the infamous Shao Kahn, conquer of worlds had one weakness!

Taunting and not turning around.

I say second and not THE cheapest, because my good friend Azazel from Tekken 6 would like a word with you Mr.Kahn!

My final thought on Mortal Kombat 9 is I am not as harsh on this series as I once was. While I can’t say I enjoy it as much as say Tekken or Street Fighter I do recommend it to people who’ve never experience this goofy little mess. It’s certainly not the butt of many jokes anymore (That honour now belongs to Soul Calibur) and hopefully it won’t make the same mistakes again.

Yet when you have Wiz Khalifa doing the music for Mortal Kombat X, I have a sad feeling history may repeat itself….

… Even if I like that song to my ever lasting shame!
483 - Aliens Minus Aliens by RandomDC3
483 - Aliens Minus Aliens
Preowned Experiment: Big Villain 8 1/8

Aliens Minus Aliens.

Confession time.

I’ve never actually watched an Aliens movie before.

The only Aliens related movie I’ve seen was that absolutely atrocious crossover dungheep called Alien Vs Predator. The Predator was always my favourite. Mainly because he posed an actual threat to bewildered gun tooting idiots, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is more of a legitimate threat than Sigourney Weaver! Intergalactic pissing contest aside, I needed a game to help unwind after a miserable February and this game being “a crowd favourite” (sarcasm) was just what I needed.

Or, so I thought.

Aliens: Colonial Marines is a game with a severe case of schizophrenia and a lot of identity issues. While the game doesn’t contain the same hang ups I had with Duke Nukem Forever (the long load times) it really comes off as a project nobody really wanted to be working on. Sega wanted a new Aliens game, because they got bored of beating Sonic the Hedgehog’s mouldering corpse that week. But rather than give their neglected franchises some attention, they turn to a dead movie franchise nobody has truly cared about since 1986.

Playing the game at first was surprisingly a refreshing experience. I say that because it had elements I had long missed in an FPS title, such as first aid kits, armour, a health bar and non linear level designs. The story completely flew over my head because I hadn’t the faintest idea what was going on.

So here is my rough understanding looking in as an outsider.

The United States came riding in on a big gun shaped spaceship in response to a distress signal from Sgt. Rex Power Colt. They ship in some stereotypical depictions of Marines this side of John Cena to go retrieve a unite that went missing in action, only to find out the spaceship is overrun with penis headed abominations called Xenomorphs… which they keep bizarrely referring to as “bugs”

I think there is a big difference between acid spewing, chest bursting legion of nightmares and wriggly things that live underground or in the wild.

That would make A Bug’s Life a VERY different movie.

Upon getting trapped on the enemy ship, I found myself teaming up with Knuckles the Echidna and “Girl who has the next 3 missions to live!” Yeah don’t get too attached to this girl. The moment you meet her you can picture a countdown above her head ticking rapidly away, so stare at her big fat arse while you can.

She’s apparently dating Knuckles so watching this gay biker look-alike act all pissy about her death gave me horrible flashbacks to Snow from Final Fantasy 13. To which I began hoping Lightning would do a surprise guest appearance just to repeatedly punch this shitheel in the face! Once my minions were assembled, I felt it was time for some Alien hunting…. To which the game suddenly became bored of that idea and proudly declared “Let’s be like Call of Duty!” and began throwing endless marines firing behind chest high walls at me. I think me and FPS developers need to have a little sit down to discuss this like rational adults, with my opening statement being the following.


It’s absolutely boring seeing every FPS title now mirror that yawn fest of a series and not deviate away from that template. I wanted to play a game about shooting Aliens, not blasting boring marine chaps who shoot back which forces me to hide behind a wall like an utter bitch! When I play an FPS title, I want to run into a room and murder everyone John Fucking Murder style before they can even shout “enemy down!” in there generic little voices. Fucking desist with this design choice and return to the days of Goldeneye, Timesplitters and Duke Nukem Godammit!!!

From that point on, the game began to really shit on itself. I won’t say it’s unplayable, so instead I’ll just say it’s fucking boring! The game was moving at a fast pace when it was me versus the aliens, but everything has to come to screeching halt when the Weyland-Yutani grunts kept popping back up. Not to mention the downright annoying beeping sound from the PKE meter going off every 5 Snething minutes to let you know “Something is coming” despite the fact I can SEE the thing coming on the screen, now get this shit outta my face and stop beeping at me!

Speaking of faulty tech, the guns leave a lot to be desired. It’s hard to feel these guns carry any force behind them when I have to unload an entire clip into my target before it takes notice. There was a system to upgrade the weapons, but I stopped using it after the shotgun I upgraded showed no difference once upgraded.

Graphically speaking, this game is uglier than Katie Price. From blurry textures to mouth animations that makes Gerry Andersons Thunderbirds puppets more accurate to really bad CGI. It’d be alright in the original Xbox era but not for an Xbox 360 title.

The A.I. is a confusing kettle of fish. Near the beginning of the game it was perfectly capable of doing the job for me that I planted my ass in the corner, finished eating last nights Pizza while watching some Youtube videos and they cleared out the entire corridor for me. Yet later on I found my Sun Tzu marksman opening fire on a window.

Yeah, way to go team. You show that pane of glass whose boss!

Then they flat out became the masters of the impossible. They started walking through walls, vehicles and literally teleported in front of me. There’s what the US Armed forces is missing, a black ops unit consisting of Knuckles the Echidna, Kitty Pryde and Slender Man!

All in all, this was a weird experience. I can’t say I outright hated every second of this game, but much like Halo 3 and Black Ops, I found it to be a complete chore to sit through. Maybe if I was an Aliens fan I’d be more outraged by the experience, but since I’m not all I’ll say is Aliens: Colonial Marines is a below average FPS title that you’ll forget about 2 years from now.
482 - Fight Finished by RandomDC3
482 - Fight Finished
Fight Finished
I decided to take Halo 3 off the 2nd Preowned Experiment and replaced it with Dead Space. Meaning I had to "Finish the Fight" with this overrated turd first. After being repeatedly assfucked by Brutes on the highway level roughly 50 times, I decided to speed through the remainder of Halo 3's campaign on easy mode to get it over with. I know that's not exactly a professional or "hardcore gamer" way of doing things but fuck it, I'll do what I want!!

I know I say it a lot, but Halo 1 kicks the shit out of 2, 3, 4 and possible even 5 and 6! Mainly for I actually felt like an unkillable instrument of destruction (tools of powerplays) without constantly needing to hide behind a wall and wait for health to regenerate or watching endless cutscenes. After playing Call of Duty: Black Ops, I began to notice where Halo 3 got this bad habit from and I'm still not a fan of this design choice. Did the FPS genre have a falling out with health packs or something? Because it's current "I'M REALISTIC" mantra it's boasting is a bit off when you're not dead after 1 hit. FPS should be ridiculous for all the right reasons.

Starting with, killing Marines and getting away with it.

One of the endless reasons I love the original Halo over its retarded next of kin is the ability to silence your annoying team mates!!! These John Cena drones occasionally spout off unfunny one liners that not even the almighty Arnold Schwarzenegger himself would dare speak out loud! So I made a game out of being a renegade cyborg, diagnosed with the Maverick Virus from Mega Man X and killed..... EVERYTHING!!! All except Captain Keys, who Chief had a bad tempered father son relationship with, but Chief fixed that when he ripped an implant out from his decaying head. Thus transforming Chief into a complete unstoppable cyborg with a licence to kill.... EVERYTHING!!!! Kill Everything is the prototype name of an FPS I'm working on.

This hilarious rewrite made Halo one of my favourite titles of all time for this fact alone. Halo 3 on the other hand took exception to my Maverick behaviour.

I'll give you an example. I'm riding in a tank with a gaggle of these dingleberries and we blew up a Ghost. One guy yells "TANK BEATS GHOST!!!" to which I said "Okay that's not funny!" but carried on driving. We blow up a Hunter, to which our special bus riding drone barks "TANK BEATS HUNTER!!!" to which I uttered the following quote.

"If I hear ONE MORE unfunny one liner from you, I'm killing.... EVERYONE!!"
End Quote.

We come across a ship and brought it down faster than a Tweet from Brianna Wu. To which our "special boy" shat out the words "TANK BEATS EVERYTHING!!!"


And proceeded to unleash my inner "John FUCKING Murder" (the protagonist of Kill Everything) and found myself abruptly silenced in 3 seconds by my comrades in a "no no don't do that!" manner. The game wants to sell the illusion of being a badass but never lets you BE a badass. Flashy cutscenes don't do it for because I'm not in control of the action. Now say a superior FPS like Blood Dragon for example (I think I'm jerking that game off more than Left 4 Dead these days) has Rex Power Colt ride a hanglyder, nose dive 60 feet in the air, land on a Omega Force commando and knife his ass without taking ANY damage.

THAT is how you be a badass Master Chief, take fucking notes!

Oh and while I'm complaining, can we please cease with the Zombie space monsters designed by H.P. Lovecraft in FPS titles already? I knew the Flood would show up at some point, but when I'm confronted by what looks like Cthulhu waddling towards me, I was stunned at how low (or perhaps Ha-low) the series was going to go for villain ideas.

When the game ended in a sequence straight out of Halo 1 (except easier and more insulting) I was glad to say I've beaten all 4 Halo titles.

Would I play Halo 3 again anytime soon?…
Preowned Experiment: Big Villain 8 by RandomDC3
Preowned Experiment: Big Villain 8
In a sequel more rushed out the door than FNAF2, comes the next Preowned Experiment.

This time, I went with a mix of games I've heard are both good and bad with a helping of fan requests. This time in the lab we have.



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Dante6499 Featured By Owner 1 hour ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanx for the Fav :iconpikafavplz:
:iconcommanderzaktan:… NO SCOTT, WHY?! WHY YOU HAVE TO BRING HIM BACK?! And I wonder what the 10 means.
Metamine10 Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the :+fav:
evangelian007 Featured By Owner 6 days ago
Your thoughts on the passing of Leonard Nimoy?
Now that was a surprise I did not expected nor wanted. :(
Ver2k0 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2015
Hi there, Random.

Since you're a fan of DuckTales, I'd thought would share some information with ya. Disney has announced they are making a new DuckTales series. It's scheduled to air in 2017.
RandomDC3 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2015
*rubs hands together*

Good, good.
TheRedRipper Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Can I request a picture?

I was hopping for one of your more mentally unstable characters to go on a killing spree, specifically in a single room containing Russell Brand, Anita Sarkeesian, and every single corrupt politician and SJW you can think of.

I think you would make a lot of people happy.
SodaDog Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2015  Student Artist
For some reason, your monthly comics are accurate to be honest and sadly true...
..i kinda miss last decade now.
RandomDC3 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2015
Not sure if that's an insult or complement.
(sorry, it's hard to tell in text)
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